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Jurnal Tucson red

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14 April 2010

last night was not a good one again but its ok because I know that I am getting close to a break through in my life and that is why I have been tested and pushed around by the enemy but you know what I have learned is that what ever doesn’t kill you will make you stronger. I know that my life is just starting I am 30 years old some people burley think about settling down and having kids at this age and I am already over all that. I do know this I have a bitterness in my heart right now and I am very angry and I do not want to be that way I feel that I need to be though right now I will leave these walls up until I feel safe again and I really do not know when that will be. I feel like the only thing I have control of right now in my life is the eating and exercising part of my life because I am the only one who can control what I do and what I eat. As for everything else I am feeling that I am not in any control and that is an awful feeling! But I know God is doing something in my life I just have to be patient and have faith beyond all understanding and beyond all feelings because feelings can not be trusted!

13 April 2010

12 April 2010

08 April 2010

Good morning it's already Thursday and man that was quick I am feeling a lot better today then I was yesterday I even changed my picture even though this is not a most current picture I just wanted to put some light into my picture this was actually taken right before I started my new life style I am happy to say that my face has changed it is no longer as large and I hope to be able to put some real current pictures to show the difference on how I look to me it is huge to others it is baby steps but I love the feeling of being able to put my bra on yep I am now wearing bras again I had stopped wearing regular bras and had switched to sports bras because a regular bra was just to painful fat hanging out on the back and all that but my bras are comfortable and that is an awesome feeling! Also I am no longer in an XL I am down to L an in some things even medium wow crazy! my goal is to loose 7 pounds this month which I am confident I can do it I will be working extra hard to meet this goal because my over all long term goal and long term means by the end of May I want to be at least 199 pounds on June 1st so I am not going to weigh myself again until the end of this month then again at the end of May. For me it is just easier that way because sometimes the scale is not your friend especially if you get on it like everyday. So my Goal is to do all this but let me tell you if for what ever reason I am not able to reach it I know I will still be happy because the inches are coming of like crazy and sometimes that is more important. I care about how I look and feel not what that scale says! Have a blessed day

07 April 2010

I was not very hungry last night I felt a little under the weather spiritually not physically so I did not feel much like eating I made dinner for the kids and then got in my bed once they went to sleep I was up till about 10:30 11:00 pm crying like a crazy person. I don’t know why I was crying I just felt really lonely and just sad inside. I woke up this morning still crying I did my work out and sweated more then ever I felt a little better after I took a shower. I got dressed and went into the kitchen to make my shake when I opened the freezer this little card fall to the floor I picked it up and it was the footprints prayer it belonged to my mom when she died I put it by her box of ashes I’m not sure how it got where it was but I started reading it and crying more!!!!!! Then its like a lift off my heavy heart I feel a lot better ready for another day! ooh and I lost another pound my goal is to be 200 pounds by the end of May I know I can do it!
Berat badan: Sejauh ini Berkurang: Sisa: Diet diikuti:
95,7 kg 5,4 kg 29,9 kg Cukup Baik
   Tambahkan Komentar Kehilangan 0,5 kg dalam 1 minggu


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