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22 Februari 2010

Wow 195.4, Im sure some of that is because Im bloated from all I ate last night (2 pieces of chocoloate cake, ice cream and too many tacos to count), but really 195.4!! So Im back and I hope that this time I can stick with it. In the last year I have tried Wieght Watchers, Atkins, and everyother thing I can think of to lose wieght and get back on track and nothing has worked and now Im only 25 pounds away from my highest wieght ever, this is ridiculous, Im mad at myself and so afraid of where I am at right now, completely out of control. So pray for me please because I cant do this to myself again, my self-esteem cant handle it.

(4 komentar)

22 Februari 2010

Berat badan:	Sejauh ini Berkurang:	Sisa:	Diet diikuti:
88,6 kg	0 kg	20,6 kg	Buruk

Tambahkan Komentar Memperoleh 1,2 kg dalam 1 minggu

21 Februari 2010

Hi Fat Secret Friends. I am ashamed to say that I gained back the wieght I lost and that I have been eating like a crazy person since the last time I was on here. My justifications for this careless behavior was that I was under alot of stress and pressure because I moved into a new home, then continued with oh its so much work to take care of a new house then finally oh its so hard to deal with all the change. Well the other night after eating like 4 100 calorie chocoloate bars, hot chocolate and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich (all after eating crap all day just so you know) I was justifying my behavior by saying well at least I havent got to my max wieght which was about 218 pounds. So I was checking myself out and thinking about that and decided to wiegh myself and I was at 193. So I was like whew, at least its not 218 right, then I heard this real gentle yet firm voice in my head say but your only about 25 pounds away from that wieght. I continued to think about it and realized that in the last 6 months I gained about 30 pounds so if I keep going the way I am I will be at 218 in no time flat. But let me tell you this eating this is so difficult, I dont know how to control it anymore, I feel like a drug addict stuffing food in my mouth in a hurry to see how much I can get in my body before my brain starts to tell me how unhealthy it is. And it scares me cus even though I had that revelation which was on Saturday night, I ate like a pig again all day Sunday cus I swear tomorrow is the day, but is it? I swore when I lost wieght the first time (218-160) I would never ever get to 216 again, and look at me I am only 25 pounds away Im so scared of what I am doing to my body, I hate the way I feel, my hair looks ugly, my skin looks bad, I dont want to see anyone I havnt seen in a while because Im embarassed bout my wieght gain, Im not getting dressed up anymore cus nothing fits, its too much and what do I do keep eating, what the heck is wrong with me, I hate this part of myself, its out of control, I need help, GOD please help me I need YOU to replace my desire to eat with self control and the desire to be healthy. Sorry I went crazy fat secret but Im really afraid of the path Im on. I read in the bible the other day that for every temptation GOD provides and escape but I truly believe that in order for me to find the escape I have to want it bad and sometimes I feel like I do and sometimes I feel like Im very far from that. And, my biggest fear is what am I going to do to my body, my self-esteem and my health before I decide to want it that bad, before I decide to seek the escape that MY GOD is just waiting to give me??

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19 Januari 2010

I did ok this weekend, much better than what I could have done. Im moving into a new house so all weekend I was there fixing it and cleaning it and even though it wasnt "exercise" EVERY SINGLE PART of my body really hurts so Im sure it was better than sitting home. With my eating I did ok. I didnt eat more than I should have, but I didnt eat healthy food. But overall I feel good about it, trust me in this type of predicament I would have every excuse to overeat and it crossed my mind more than once. Im still going strong on the no water for 21 days and I feel ok about it. But I am surprised that I didnt lose more than I did but Im hoping that I will lose a few more pounds this week. I will not be able to walk till maybe Thursday because I have so much to do today and tomorrow and then I might have to go back to the house this thursday and the rest of the weekend. By the way I love my new house, its perfect and I thank GOD for giving it to me and blessing me with all the help and support. Thanks sis and Ray for all your help, love you!

(2 komentar)

19 Januari 2010

Berat badan:	Sejauh ini Berkurang:	Sisa:	Diet diikuti:
82,8 kg	4,3 kg	14,8 kg	Cukup Baik

Tambahkan Komentar Kehilangan 0,2 kg dalam 1 minggu

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