Jurnal confusedangel

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30 Mei 2011

okay. c25k week 3 day 1, plus 5 extra minutes to make it an even 30. 10 minutes of self directed yoga.

however, did not eat on schedule today, due to an un-planned being kidnapped and dragged to a car dealership (the transmission and or the electricity is bad in the baby dad's car... we only got offered 300 for trade in, so no new(er) car yet... *sigh*) right at lunch time.

am definitely fighting hard not to munch on the doritios that i bought the boys to stop their constant "there's nothing to eat in this house" whining.

oh well. smoothie soon. yay.

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29 Mei 2011

Wow. So the challenge I wrote starts tomorrow. I wrote it mostly out of frustration with myself and the fact that all the challenges lately have either been ones that don't apply to me (like the no more soda or don't drink alcohol challenges), or ones that i've already bested... like working out 15 minutes a day, 3 days a week. (There's nothing wrong with any of those challenges, btw, they just weren't relevant to me.) And I expected myself to be doing it all alone.

So I was rather impressed when I logged in today to see 23 participants. Makes me feel like I did something good. =).

Of course, makes me feel like I need to be seriously accountable too! But that's what fatsecret's about, right... feeling like a part of a community and therefore a little more responsible than when you do all alone!

My last workout schedule just happened to end today, so when babyman goes to bed tonight, I will be filling out my next 6 week calender! Which is perfect, as that's part of the challenge! Yay!

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28 Mei 2011

Willie Nelson concert last night (with Lee Brice, Randy Houser, and Jamey Johnson opening... and a whole lot of other bands before we got there. Music festivals are just a little too long with the baby man... but so worth the 5 hours I did spend there!) - spent almost the entire 5+ hours standing, dancing, climbing hills, etc. And here's my crazy FS brain at work... was very disappointed (this morning... I wasn't disappointed about ANYTHING last night, trust me) that I am currently without my bodybugg... woulda LOVED to see the calorie count on that event! =)

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27 Mei 2011

My Weigh in Report
You lost 0.4 lb (0.2 %) since you last weighed in on Monday 16 May 11.
At that rate it will take you about 83 months to get to your goal weight.

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21 Mei 2011

Alright, this is NOT whining, or even self-pity. Just a statement of facts. My origional goal was simply to get under 200 pounds. I haven't been under 200 pounds since junior high. (Not even during my drug using days.) In september, I had gotten down to almost 210, and was thrilled. And yet, here I am, in may, fighting just to stay at 220. (220, by the way, is where I've been for the last 12 or so years, not counting my pregnancies.) And the worst part is, I KNOW everything that I'm doing wrong. I know that not eating on schedule during the day leads to overwhelming urges to binge at night. I know that allowing myself to get into that pattern just reinforces it, and makes it harder to break. I know that I need to sleep, need to eat right, need to workout, and need to take time for me. I have a whole lot of whiny reasons why it's been hard, and some actual physical reasons for why things changed (a lot to do with my son not breastfeeding anymore) - but the basic fact is, it's all choices that I make.

YES, groceries are expensive, especially when no one else will eat anything resembling something that grew out of the ground. YES, life is busy and there's a lot of chores to do. YES, my son wakes up too early, naps too little, and goes to bed too late. YES, there are demands on my time, my resources, and my energy - not to mention my sanity.

But EVERYONE deals with these demands. EVERYONE has these struggles. Groceries aren't cheap for ANYONE. Kids aren't obliging for ANYONE. Houses don't stay clean. Life simply doesn't really like to work around your schedule. It is up to ME to make the decision, to find the time, to push myself. And I can't say there isn't time - I still find time to workout 6 days a week. But trust me, all the working out in the world isn't going to help if you're eating one meal a day, that encompasses "whatever i can get my hands on and put in my mouth".

If you added up all the times I'd lost and regained the same 10 pounds since september, I'd be at my goal weight by now. That's sad.

On a lighter note... going to go see the Willie Nelson concert on Friday. Rather thrilled about that. This is the 3rd or 4th time I've attempted to see him in concert (every time being "the last tour he'll ever do!", btw) - and the first time where the stars have actually aligned.

Coupon clipping and grocery shopping in the morning. I'm thinking that if I can get enough decent coupons together somehow, than maybe I can start affording to feed the boys the stuff they insist on, and still feed myself the food I need. =)

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