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22 Januari 2011

20 Januari 2011

20 Januari 2011

Ok, so I did great all day yesterday and then screwed up AGAIN. Went to Dairy Queen and got a large oreo blizzard. Why do I do these things? I am so mad at myself. I'll do great for 2-3 days and then totally blow it. Why can't I get thru a clean 2 week induction? It's driving me nuts. I know if I can just stick to it and get thru a clean 2 weeks then I will not crave stuff so much. I'm thinking maybe the cravings are due to caffiene but I really don't want to cut that out. I come from a family with members addicted to drugs, ciggarettes and alchohol. I have stayed away from all of that and now I have to cut out stuff that most people don't have a problem with. I am soo mad right now. My mother was a full blown drunk while she was pregnant with me and neglected me for the first 2 years of my life until she just took off and left my Dad with 4 kids. My grandmother raised me after that. I think that because she drank and smoked while I was developing and my early years were malnurished that I am basically screwed up for life. It is so frustrating. Sorry to complain but this journal is for me to list how I feel and this is what I feel right now.

19 Januari 2011

19 Januari 2011

Well I think yesterday may have confirmed something I have suspected all along. My carb limit is always going to be below 25 net carbs. It was only one day so we will see but my calories were low yesterday and my carbs were almost at 29 and I gained a pound. My sister keeps telling me that all I need to do is low calorie and not worry about the carbs but yesterday proved that one wrong for me. I have done this before too. I have tried low calorie diets and couldn't loose anything. When I go low carbs I always loose.

What got me yesterday was a label mistake. I saw a bunch of commercials for Pizza Huts Chicken Alfredo pasta which is one of my binge foods. So, when I was at the store the other day I saw some Classico Alfredo sauce that was only 3 grams of carbs per serving. I thought I would just make it with veggies and chicken and no pasta. then I read the serving size and it was 1/4 cup. I had already poured a whole cup over the food and wasn't going to throw it out so I just ate it. I figured it would put a little over my carbs but still less than pre-maintenance or Lifetime levels so I may not loose anything but I shouldn't gain either. Wrong. As my buddy, Stef, said yesterday I am just not one of those people who can eat normal and get or stay skinny. It is just one of those facts of life that can't be changed.


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