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Well, I was doing good (for a couple days) on doing journal entries. In general, I've done better in my eating habits until today. Today I have been terrible! But I've noticed that once again I'm beyond exhausted and too busy to eat right. I even had food with me but didn't eat it cuz of time (it was some salad and chcken and I needed to some prep and also get dishes out of my locker, etc.)
Today I ate cookies, more sweets, etc from the work party I missed yesterday. I sat and munched corn chips. Then tonight we went to a Mexican food restaurant and I ate almost all the cheese dip with chips and one jar of salsa with the chips. Not only was I over full, but now I'm in moderately severe abdominal pain from Crohn's. I know better than to eat a lot of corn chips. I sat and thought about why I was eating so many chips. It was the usual 'cuz I can' but also I felt very lonely. Matthew was texting friends and wouldn't stop. But it wasn't just that - I've been feeling lonely lately. First there's Christmas. Then yesterday I was in the Dr's office for 4.5 hrs and when they said I needed a heart monitor I felt so lonely. I've got nobody to care and look after me. I have to sit there by myself and be strong, and it sucks, frankly. It was also awkward that my ex was doing the chest x-ray and EKG. I did join a Christian dating site, paid for a year subscription, and don't have the motivation to even look at it.
Did I mention how much I'm working? 80 hrs a week at 2 jobs, nite shift. I've been averaging 4 hrs sleep a day. I can't keep going like this. I'm just about at my wits end.
Well, dont what else to say. Hopefully I can find a solution to my work schedule soon. In the mean time, I pray I can get my eating under control before I make myself really sick or gain all my weight back.
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