SOMETIMES…
Sometimes knowing where you want to be in life is not enough to get you there! In fact, that is often the case… sometimes knowing how & why we got here, better helps us to figure out what we should be doing. I never did the math while I was getting fatter. I pretty much let it happen and it took decades. It wasn’t in my mental health wheelhouse before I was diagnosed with ADHD. The only reason I didn’t put on more weight than I did, was because I walked two hours every day. It burnt off excess energy for me. But more than that, it burnt off most of those snack calories that I couldn’t stop eating at night. I drank coffee and diet cokes all day long for the caffeine (self-medicating). At night, I had unbearable cravings for garbage snacks — sweet and salty. Thousands of calories with terrible nutrients.
When I started FS, I was more worried about calories, meal sizes, and figuring out what I was going to have to give up? I think that is probably pretty normal for a lot of us… healthy eating, I don’t like to call it dieting either, is a head game, as much or more than it is a numbers game. Never stop being introspective. We each hold the answers to our own puzzle.
The funny thing is, before I quit the junk food, I blamed all my calories on the french cooking that I was so obsessed with every night in the kitchen. I would plan meals days ahead of time with great excitement. On top of that, I have learned that I don’t really eat that much. I love the food, but I didn’t gorge myself on it… I saved gorging for snack time (salt and sugar)! With only a very few exceptions, I totally quit the junk food. That killed 1500 calories a day. I am not saying that is easy, but it had to happen and I remain committed. It has made the rest of my job much easier.
Now, I am trying to take the best of my french cooking to make more mindful meals, but, because of the way I eat, I am not really all that worried about calories, I am much more worried about nutrition. Unwittingly, I curbed the calories even further by adding a lot of big salads, more veggies, and a lot of fruit to my diet. That has cut my main meal portions down to half or sometimes a third of what I would have normally served. I actually have so much trouble consuming the calories that the programme recommends, that I don’t even try anymore. When I did try, I ended up throwing my sodium or my cholesterol or my fat numbers out of whack. I just leave the deficit to its own devices, and try to keep my nutrition numbers in line. Fat, cholesterol, protein and sugars are my big struggles, but the sugar is all from the equivalent of 2 fruits a day which I consume as fresh fruit salad. Fat is in my nature, so I need to work on that, cholesterol is manageable if I don’t eat too many eggs, and protein, I need a lot more of!
In addition, compared to my calorie intake now, I have a substantial calorie burn, which will only get bigger, because it is in my nature to only push harder for as long as this big beautiful blue planet will let me. So, for me, nutrition is my bigger challenge than calories are. If my nose follows nutrition, the calories just seem to behave themselves on most days. I think filling up on ruffage has made the biggest change in my eating behaviours. It displaced the calories and it satisfied the most of the nutrients. It really doesn’t take much to amp up your protein so that you are converting a lot of the fats to muscle instead just burning them off, keeping in mind of course that not all of us want to look like a body builder. I am just looking to convert that extra fat intake that I seem to enjoy, and build my stamina up at the same time.
Now, some, or a little, or a lot of this, may change as I lose more weight, but right now, for some of us, sometimes, knowing how and why we got here, tells us more about what we should be doing than why we started in the first place. I am actually more interested in my wellness, than I am my weight goals. Taking care of Robert, seems to be taking care of my much healthier eating habits as well as my mental and physical health. As much as I enjoy watching the numbers move, I am much more impressed with how it is making me feel, and how I am so much healthier.
On a personal note: I have had the same doctor for 25 years and she is an outstanding doctor. She has never seen anybody my age make as many positive changes to their health. Just to name a few: my cholesterol has returned to normal. My Blood Pressure has dropped 40 points diastolic and 20 points systolic thereby dropping one of my medications. My heart rate has dropped 20% doing twice the effort during my daily exercise which means it is beating more efficiently. My legs are stronger than they have been in 20 years. I have started interval walking (ten minute fast/slow bursts for 60 minutes, 2 times a day). I am trying to get my VO2 max up from it’s current poor rating. All this because I have figured out what I need to change about my behaviours, from what I was doing wrong before. I think if we all look harder at ourselves, we will find as many reasons to change.
It all began when I started FatSecret thinking I “should” lose some weight? It was you people that got me thinking… It all changed when I started looking at where I came from, and not where I wanted to be… I am on a journey, not a mission from god (as Jake & Elwood would say)… The other thing I do, is I don’t lose that excitement of the first day. I find ways to motivate myself… writing helps me do that!
Just thinking out loud :) DV
